I’m a little teapot short and stout;
here is my handle: here is my spout
When I get all steamed up, then I shout,
Tip me over and pour me out.
Anger was a scary subject for me growing up. I made vows not to have the explosive anger I saw displayed in the other members of my family. It frightened me to see me them get angry over the little things, and they did seem little to me.
Emotions were a sticky point for me, but anger was something I liked to believe I had a handle on because when I got angry I simply didn’t acknowledge it. I pushed any feelings of anger aside. Memories of listening to my Dad and sister fight, I would hide my head under my pillow so their loud voices would disappear. I often thought it was the end of the world when people raised their voices. I swore that I would not make anyone angry with me for anything. As a little girl, I made many promises to myself concerning emotions in general.
For most of my life, I believed my emotions were nothing but a curse, but much to my surprise learning about my feelings has helped me to understand who I am in Christ. One reason I say this is that years ago, I took the Myers-Briggs test, and found out I am an Introverted Intuitive Feeler Perceiver(INFP). As a result, I have learned that my dominant function of my personality type is feeling, but it is introverted, which explains the intensity in which I experience all of my feelings in general.
My reactions and experiences of the my past were beginning to make sense to me. It seemed that I was always overwhelmed with my emotions, or at least aware of how messy my life really was. Habits I cultivated as posts of survival in my childhood became baggage that need to be purged. As I continue on a path of understand how and why I feel anger, fear or any other emotion towards specific situations, I have become better equipped to deal with these sometimes raging feelings on the inside.
Emotions aren’t as scary as I believed they were as a little girl, but they’re still messy. I can’t deny my feelings, I am being taught day to day, whether or not I like it they will pour out of me.