Waiting for the bus can sometimes seem to bring up old insecurities in me. As always, I am watching and observing everyone around me; how they’re dressed, or talking on their smart phone, or speaking with a colleague. I don’t know why but I haven’t yet convinced myself that I am not even in their radar vision.In a perfect world, none of my incompleteness would be naked.
All that I thought had been healed returned. Overwhelming me with memories from the past that I had believed to be settled. I wanted to hide the ugliness that only I could experience, but further into the hurt, I was made aware that He was chiseling away old beliefs, and making room for more of His Grace inside of me.
Imagine the struggle, the caterpillar goes through to make it to the next stage of its life, to become a butterfly, and to be the beauty of its purpose. All the stages the fauna and flora goes through to stay alive in an ecosystem that has become a battleground. No longer is spring silent, it is crowded with those that want to destroy the beauty rising to the surface and simply created to glorify Him.
Hatred filled my heart, but it wasn’t of who I was, but of what I lacked. I hated the girl in me who couldn’t speak in social settings, the teenager who couldn’t make friends, and the woman who hungered to connect and to stop drowning in her own misery. So, I tucked it away because I was afraid to squander it to the wrong person.
There are certain things that you learn within the margins of your family, the environment that ultimately nurtures you into the person that you have become.
It’s a joy and a struggle to be all that we are called into being. Jesus came to set the captives free, but the captives are stuck in the slime of sin. It a trap for us, and pulls us away from who we were meant to be. It’s not the purpose of God to have his children confused about who we are.
Vulnerability is a silent voice that leads us to a true exposition of a person. It allows love to penetrate the places we guard and invite someone else to experience the subtle, distinct, heartbeat of what waits to be discovered.
Part of the struggle of living in a fallen world is we aren’t taught to fight for our dignity and the dignity of others. It’s not about human rights, it’s about preserving our dignity that each one of us is given in His image. The means finding our real, authentic beauty, the kind that only God bestows on us.
Everything has beauty but not everyone can see it.