My junior high gym teacher told me this probably because he was trying to make me feel better. You see, I was not athletically inclined in school. As an adult, my athletic ability still hasn’t flourished, as my teacher seem to imply it would.
In general, I think I am a late bloomer. I had a plan that by this time and at this point in my life I would be married, have a few kids, and well; I would blend in really well with everyone else. Most people near my age have gotten married, maybe not and maybe have started a family. I grew up thinking I would go with plan, the flow of the crowd.
After I graduated from high school, I decided I would keep with the plan and I applied for a program at the local community college, but I was fighting for a spot with 500 other applicants for a mere 20 spots. They declined my application. That wasn’t part of the plan. I decided I would take a year off and try to find myself, and well I got lost. I don’t quite remember where I ended up.
Late bloomers tend to wilt when they see all their peers getting along with the plan. Yes, the invisible plan that we assume works on our timeline.
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come, and pray to me and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. Jeremiah 29:11-14 NRSV
Almost a year ago, the Lord reminded me that he wanted me to write, it wasn’t any different from before, but this time I took it more seriously. I began this blog, and I re-discovered a tiny desire to write, a small fuse of enjoyment. I also needed to write that novel that I’ve always dreamed of writing.
It’s taken me almost year to settle on a premise. I’ve gone through three or four starts, and as I kept searching for a new idea, my resolve kept growing stronger. I needed the persistence to start, and curate the desire that He placed in my eight old heart. I needed to know the belief that God has in me to write, and it began when I started when this blog. It was awkward at first but I’m starting to get the hang of it.
Seven years ago, when I doubted the Lord had heard my prayers, he started reminding me that, ‘You will seek me and find me when you seek with all your heart.’ Through tough circumstances, I applied for college after being out of school for over ten years, and this time I was accepted.
I was seeking Him with all of my heart, or so I thought I was. The heart is complicated, I don’t know about yours, but mine is, and I am still learning about its contours. It’s a keeper of secrets, and its mysteries can change us forever.
When I graduated from school, I didn’t expect anything except a job in my field. he was still teaching me to seek with all of my heart because I equated with what I wanted as not necessarily a good thing. Around this time He brought Jolene into the scene.
My idea of a plan was getting married and having a family. So no man + no children = God doesn’t have a plan for Tamara. Stupid I know, but I was still getting to know He’s so much more than what most believe. I mean I knew this, but He was personally showing me, and taking me on a personal tour. At most, I am still a pup that hasn’t learnt to stop chewing things to shreds.
Advice can be a good, but when it’s unsolicited, it can cause unforeseen problems. This is why I was careful to share with whom I did. It was something the Lord had advised me to do because I had at one point shared with too many people. I was overwhelmed with too much.
Over three years ago, the Lord did something that was out of character for him, at least what I knew of him. He asked me to tell someone who I didn’t know to tell her I wanted to get married. I refused, but the woman came up to me anyways, and proceeded to tell me that I was a natural with children, and other details that would confirm that the Lord had indeed sent her to me. She then told me that my husband was already ready, but I wasn’t and I needed to heal from a certain relationship.
‘For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11-14 NIV
Good things are happening to me.