Doing Some Bloomin’

Some of us are late bloomers.  DSCN2525 (2)

My junior high gym teacher told me this probably because he was trying to make me feel better. You see, I was not athletically inclined in school. As an adult, my athletic ability still hasn’t flourished, as my teacher seem to imply it would.

In general, I think I am a late bloomer. I had a plan that by this time and at this point in my life I would be married, have a few kids, and well; I would blend in really well with everyone else. Most people near my age have gotten married, maybe not and maybe have started a family. I grew up thinking I would go with plan, the flow of the crowd.

After I graduated from high school, I decided I would keep with the plan and I applied for a program at the local community college, but I was fighting for a spot with 500 other applicants for a mere 20 spots. They declined my application. That wasn’t part of the plan. I decided I would take a year off and try to find myself, and well I got lost. I don’t quite remember where I ended up.

Late bloomers tend to wilt when they see all their peers getting along with the plan. Yes, the invisible plan that we assume works on our timeline.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come, and pray to me and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile. Jeremiah 29:11-14 NRSV

Almost a year ago, the Lord reminded me that he wanted me to write, it wasn’t any different from before, but this time I took it more seriously. I began this blog, and I re-discovered a tiny desire to write, a small fuse of enjoyment. I also needed to write that novel that I’ve always dreamed of writing.

It’s taken me almost year to settle on a premise. I’ve gone through three or four starts, and as I kept searching for a new idea, my resolve kept growing stronger. I needed the persistence to start, and curate the desire that He placed in my eight old heart. I needed to know the belief that God has in me to write, and it began when I started when this blog. It was awkward at first but I’m starting to get the hang of it.

Seven years ago, when I doubted the Lord had heard my prayers, he started reminding me that, ‘You will seek me and find me when you seek with all your heart.’ Through tough circumstances, I applied for college after being out of school for over ten years, and this time I was accepted.

I was seeking Him with all of my heart, or so I thought I was. The heart is complicated, I don’t know about yours, but mine is, and I am still learning about its contours. It’s a keeper of secrets, and its mysteries can change us forever.

When I graduated from school, I didn’t expect anything except a job in my field. he was still teaching me to seek with all of my heart because I equated with what I wanted as not necessarily a good thing. Around this time He brought Jolene into the scene.DSC00045_5564908843_l (1)

My idea of a plan was getting married and  having a family. So no man + no children = God doesn’t have a plan for Tamara. Stupid I know, but I was still getting to know He’s so much more than what most believe. I mean I knew this, but He was personally showing me, and taking me on a personal tour. At most, I am still a pup that hasn’t learnt to stop chewing things to shreds.

Advice can be a good, but when it’s unsolicited, it can cause unforeseen problems. This is why I was careful to share with whom I did. It was something the Lord had advised me to do because I had at one point shared with too many people. I was overwhelmed with too much.

Over three years ago, the Lord did something that was out of character for him, at least what I knew of him. He asked me to tell someone who I didn’t know to tell her I wanted to get married. I refused, but the woman came up to me anyways, and proceeded to tell me that I was a natural with children, and other details that would confirm that the Lord had indeed sent  her to me. She then told me that my husband was already ready, but  I wasn’t and I needed to heal from a certain relationship.

‘For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11-14 NIV

Good things are happening to me.

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One thought on “Doing Some Bloomin’

  1. Pingback: And I Repeat | The Broken Tea Cup

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