He chose not to pursue her.
Still he waited at the starting point as the afternoon sun hung at an angle that blinded him. His heart pounding as the poison of fear mixed with the life-giving blood that coursed through him. He looked the other way as she walked down the opposite hall where he watched her disappear. He wanted to say more, do more and, he didn’t want to pretend he didn’t see her. Part of him didn’t understand why the words were so hard to come by. The game they played; the covert glances, the slow emergence of a smile on her lips. Hope rose inside of him but the taunting became louder, the accusations roaring, and eventually drowning out the hope that struggled to thrive inside of him. All of a sudden whatever it was; the joy or the hope, it shriveled up and his decision was made. He didn’t try anymore because that reservoir of whatever fueled him became a mirage in his head. It wasn’t real, but the wall of rejections that he kept walking into was all too familiar.
Most women have equal opportunities alongside their male counterparts in careers, and in just about anything that a woman can dream about. No longer are women expected to stay at home, and take care of the house and children. Women are being urged they will and can have it all because the feminist movement told the world that women are just like men. We can do anything that men do – at least this is what being advocated to us.
When I was a little girl, I had a small suitcase full of Barbies, along side with clothing, shoes, etc. I loved playing with my Barbies, helping my mom bake, playing dress up. I loved doing what little girls normally do. It didn’t seem odd to me to dream of getting married, having a family and staying at home to take care of them. No one told me what I was supposed to want as a little girl. It was just what I wanted. I didn’t look for the reasonings or studies to prove it was right, it was a desire that welled up from within me.
It wasn’t until I had my conversion that I was reminded of the desire that began as a little girl. My desire to marry and have a family. You see I thought I could have it all, and of course that meant having a career. I don’t know where the idea of a having a career came in, but somehow it seemed the thing to do, it was what every other woman was doing. She could have it all like men. I’m not against having a post-secondary education, but I think a lot of women get sidetracked into believing that this is what they have to do. We’ve told we can have everything. I believed this for so long, and it was hard to reconcile with the fact, staying true to my original dream, the one birthed in my childhood meant more than having a career.
Observing people is something I like doing a lot. When I was younger I could tell you what everyone was wearing on the bus. Thankfully I don’t do this anymore. Even though we would all do well to not judge others on outward appearances, it’s something we all do. What we wear expresses to the world who we think we are or aren’t. It’s a barometer of sorts that gives a shout to people who don’t live inside of you; ‘this is what I am believing about myself right now.’
It’s something I have seen in men and how they dress. It’s as simple as the suit that they’re wearing, and trying not to cringe at the fact that their dress pants aren’t long enough to cover their red striped socks. I’m not trying to be picky because I’ve seen this example many times. A lot of times, how someone dresses does reflect their personality. However, I am not hinting that how you dress determines your sexual interest, or highlights all your issues, but it does provide a window into some people.
Yes, men in the past haven’t always treated women well, but there are the men who have learned from the other men in their lives how a woman is to be treated. Men are lost in a culture that doesn’t encourage them to take their role seriously. We dumb them down and we want independence from their protective natures. Just like woman, men are confused as to what their roles, and these definitions vary to who talk to. I think the Lord has placed this burden on my heart to pray, pray that men will understand how important of a role that they have been given.
His love perseveres until the brokenness of our heart can no longer hide from His careful and persistent probing. He never forces anything on us, and if he has chosen you first before you chose Him then He will not relent until you are his completely his. He sees past all the appearances, and all the choices that you thought you had to make in order to be what everyone else dictates. I have been purposely, in the the last year, surrendering all my worries, doubts, fears and desires, in other words dumping all of my stuff onto him, and it has transformed how I feel about myself. I’m believing things that seemed completely out of my reach, but now they seem just within my reach. Remember He chose you first, not the other way around. John~15:16