Last time I checked a relationship required two people to make it a relationship. So why do I have to repeat myself again and again in prayer. Maybe this is a bit of frustration, and a whole lot of agitation on my part. I repeat solely on my part because I’m dealing with a perfect God – and He misses nothing. Remember he’s in the details, no he doesn’t just know the details, he’s in the DETAILS!
So here’s the aspect that has me nearing agitation is I am not hearing from Him. At least I don’t think I am hearing from him because I could be, but ignoring what I am hearing. Why would I ignore what I am hearing when He normally says; Wait, patience, not now, keep your heart open, no, yes, and patience. Did I just repeat myself?
Yes, it has been established that God answers prayer, but in His own timing – not according to my plan. And I do have a plan all mapped out in my head.
The above is what I normally would call a pity party, and of course no one is ever invited to that. Just God, who normally stays quiet while I bash him and all His ways. He really is perfect because he could be defending himself, and he would have every right to do so, but He waits minding His time because it is His time. Everything is His, everything he gives is a gift, and nothing is lost just momentarily misplaced.
Since early spring,(and here too) I have been bombarding him with one request, and I repeat many times that I want to get MARRIED! This is a subject that I have brought up several times. I’m tired of bringing it up but this is something that apparently He wants. I’m not very well acquainted with asking. How is that? Well I didn’t think I was worthy of such a request, and that it would be answered, but you know, His grace is new every morning, and well I don’t know when it will happen exactly but I know I’m worthy.
Repeating what I want to have to him seems to have an effect that I wasn’t aware of; belief in what you’re unsure of starts to settle in your heart much more. It creates a foundation that maybe wasn’t there to begin with.
Don’t question what is out of context because I’m just an inside out craft project that really looks great, but I can only see one side. The side that isn’t finished, the side where you can see that the wounds are still open and this liquid gooey stuff runs out. Yeah, sometimes I have tons of confidence, and sometimes all it takes it one look at someone across the aisle. The blossoming hope inside of me screams and darts for the nearest exit.
I get it. I finally get only to hit a spot which explodes into tiny pieces, and I find myself relearning what you already taught me, and I repeat.