It wasn’t until this week that I felt this tug of war, this struggle between my anger and the hope God has given me for His plan. It was as if the anger was trying to squeeze out the fire of hope in my heart. At the start of the day there is a confidence in me, the day is starting out good, and that the blessings that God longs to pour on me will be received. He’s watching and waiting on me to make a decision, which will it be? Hope or anger?
In it all, I am seeing how He pursues me, searches me and seeks me and this is what makes me whole. He is never still though it does seem like he isn’t doing anything. He will fill me if I allow him, but first I must make room to for Him to dwell in me, and this happens in His pursuit.
The struggle isn’t anything new to me, but a finer awareness of what I am still choosing. There’s still this confused and angry girl in me, trying to be heard, and refusing to be told by my Father that His ways are better. I may desire what God wills for me, but it doesn’t make it any easier to tell my will that it’s time to walk down a new road. Romans ~ 7:15-20
Mostly for me it’s a choice; to stop and listen to what’s going on the inside of me. A while ago, I asked God what I can do about the anger that I felt spewing inside of me. It seemed so out of control, and yet I know that there was nothing I could do, nothing I could change except me. The Lord told me that I can accept what is before me, and I can do this through allowing His hope to penetrate the places where anger
Hope is my door of happiness.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed-door that we do not see the one which has been opened to us.
When I first read the this quote, I quickly squashed it in my head because I had always thought that we must wait for another door to be opened, but the quote stayed with me and the more I pondered it, the more I realized about how it is God who waits for us and not the other way around.