It was all I was allowed to pick after I had written a letter to my Guidance teacher detailing all the bullying from my classmates. I don’t remember how long the letter was, but I felt was at the end of my line, and I wanted – no needed to get this all out in the light. According to my guidance teacher, the entire staff meeting had been all about the letter I had written. They came (the teachers) up with one option: suspend one of my classmates in a class of 30.
All I wanted was to belong.
And I didn’t know then, but I know now that belonging meant that I could come and go as I liked. I wouldn’t have to adhere to a certain guideline for anyone to like me. I wanted friends but the kind who I could really be comfortable to be myself and to be fully in His truth of who I am.
Yet, it doesn’t seem possible when it’s only right when each gender is being treated equally and fairly. It spikes my ire because that’s not what it’s about at all. God has created each of us equally and it’s not based on our gender, it’s based on one thing: we are His children.
People complain that the Church needs to change. We need to change doctrine and dogmas that were made hundreds and thousands years ago because they’re outdated. We have to get with the program and make the Church more applicable to the 21st century.
God has blessed me to be who I am, and nothing I do will enhance or lessen it. But first I need to accept it. If I didn’t accept who I was made to be, I would still be going around in circles searching for something that wasn’t created. It’s easy to hide and press down our emotions to satisfy those around us.
I started looking inward, and at every step, my focus was to find out who I was. It wasn’t easy or neat. It was very painful. I learned that sometimes the only way of getting to know who I was, was to sit in the very emotions that I wanted to avoid. Yes, that meant the fear, the loneliness, and the anger because I needed to know the lies in order to know what truth was. Gradually as I learned, I found out that I wasn’t a terrible person, in fact I was an interesting person!
Whenever I get impatient with God for taking too long with me, it’s always helpful to remind myself that I am unique in His eyes. He is not finished with me because when he’s done I will be His masterpiece.
And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John ~8:32