A friend asked me what I was doing for Advent, and the short answer is nothing. Some people are really organized in a way that reminds them to choose some kind of area that they want to work on during Advent. I know this doesn’t mean I’m a bad person for not choosing an area I want to work on,
Lately, or rather the last few years I have stop actively planning, and it’s starting to show because normally I am on top of my family’s birthdays. My Dad’s birthday is in November and my sisters is in December, and for both of them it was a struggle to get their cards out on time. I could blame it on the fact that I had no money to go the Dollarama store and buy them that special $1 card plus the applicable taxes. I have tons of blank cards so I thought this was the perfect time to use them, and to be able to put a more personal touch. I don’t know if the cards were more personal, or it just showed my lack of – yep, you guessed it – Planning!
There’s a bit of perfectionism lurking in me, and shove in some depression, loose obsessive thoughts, and that’s enough for me to stop all together. I love sending out cards, but in the last few years, I don’t know if you’ve noticed it, but store-bought cards are NOT cheap. I could save the ten dollars that I am saving for one card and spend it on a bag of produce from the local food co-op.
Before you start protesting that planning can be good thing, I’m going say right here that I am all for planning. In fact, I start my Christmas shopping around the end of March, the beginning of April. It’s for many reasons but one of the reasons is because I don’t want to be in rush, I want to think beforehand and get gifts that show that I love them, which is why I sent my sister and her boyfriend a VISA prepaid card, but to my defense I did think about it. I planned on saving on mailing costs because they live in the Maritimes.
Often my complaint is I can’t see the wonder and awe of this special time, and that could be blamed on my past experiences, the current culture over exposure of what Christmas is not. We are all on a journey with little stops here and there, looking for hope, encouragement in a month filled with dark nights and lack of sunlight’s warmth. I am in the process of having new experiences to replace the old, broken, dusty memories that harm more than anything.
I’m all for getting to the destination, but sometimes it can be a letdown. Sometimes I think back and yearn for the journey because it meant more than the final stop. All I can hope for in this journey of mishaps, misunderstanding and all the rest that I will see, is a sense of wonder in the unexpected moments during this special season.