God gave Adam and Eve free will, and well, we all know which path they chose to follow. In the midst of quick choices, did you ever wonder or regret the choice you eventually did choose? Did you see how that one choice or the many choices worked out in the end? Maybe you’re still stuck in that choice all those years later.
I know sometimes it seems unbelievable that the God of the Universe would give us free will, to let us decide which route we will follow. But isn’t that what a good parent does, who is responsible to and for his child. You take your chances when your child grows up, and becomes the independent adult that you have reared them to be. It’s an experiment because you’re no longer thinking up a hypothesis, and stating what you expect to see because they already been written and now you can only make observations. No, child rearing isn’t an experiment, but each parent individually make choices on how they will rear their children. Some ways work, and some not so much. And some would argue that the child is living out his/her own choices.
Recently, I read a quote that said, ‘Depression isn’t a choice.’
When I first started fleshing out this blog post in my head, the example that reminded me of how my choices play out, such as playing with Lego. I chose certain shapes and certain colours, but the pieces I chose didn’t always fit to my expectation. Some click together very well, so I was left with the impression that it all fits together…But I didn’t really see the choices in my life I was making clearly until after I had been diagnosed with depression, and had been on meds for a few years. I mean who chooses to be depressed? Some of us don’t communicate our feelings very well – if we are communicating at all. Yes, the DNA that was passed onto me by my Mom and Dad had family who struggled with depression. I read somewhere that as an adult you could only blame your parents for 15% of your problems, in other words, you’re responsible for the rest.
Life is a journey not a destination
In many ways, I can see how I made choices in my life, and often when I was overly emotional. I made vows, I believed lies about myself, and I opened myself to certain evil spirits that probably didn’t help my situation. Right now, I have been reading how some experts in the health/scientific community who believe that depression is an inflammation of the brain, akin to an autoimmune disorder like Arthritis which is attacking its own body. Depression is then only a symptom. I’m not sure where I am on the spectrum of this new thought, but I do believe that what I eat does affect the depression in me. I try to not eat processed foods and stick to foods that have been processed less (like fresh local produce, local meat, buying honey from someone I know is a beekeeper, etc.) but sometimes I think who I am kidding when we live in a processed world.
I want to be the person that I could’ve been a long time ago, but I have been struggling to find that person for so long that when I get there, I have new goals that don’t jive with what I thought I must do. Remembering that the old attitudes will creep back in when you least expect them to. The old is easy to slip back into, but by then, you’re at least aware of the damage done to you.
Thinking too much sometimes is my downfall. It’s at the point that I have lost sight of what the pros or cons might’ve been. I just want an answer to fall and hit me on the head, or better yet knock me out unconscious that what may befall me will come. What if I don’t do it right? But really, is there a right way, or is there a path that you need to find and then simply follow. Risks allow us to be the person that you know is on the inside, just waiting to bloom into your life. Although recently, I was remembered attitude is something you need to strive you for that helps us make the journey.
It is never too late to be what you might have been ~ George Eliot