Seeking Life

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What are you seeking in this life?

Is it beauty?

Is it authenticity?

Is it a relationship?

Is it more money?

Some of us have given up, at least that’s what we tell ourselves, but do we know why? I don’t know about you but I am still trying to seek the life I imagined when I was a little girl. Nothing is turning out the way I had planned it. And somehow it doesn’t seem fair because some people appear to have it all. What do they have what you don’t?

I have this card which I bought years ago, it is a picture of a golf course with an orange-yellow sunset in the background. I had it laminated because of the statement that is below.

 

“There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart…pursue those.”

 

Still, this speaks to me because this is what it’s all about, it’s about finding out what holds your heart and drives you to a place you never thought or even hoped could be possible.

Isolation is my default. I’m happy with a few friends, and I don’t want to be the centre of attention, but ‘people’ still worry about my lack of friends. I love spending time alone in my apartment after a long day of work. I’ve done all the socializing that I can handle for the day. Yet it doesn’t seem to be enough for others. Why do others seem to think if I only have a few friends that it just isn’t enough for them? And it is about them.

Yes, isolation has been a problem and became a safe place for me when I was being bullied in school. It is was also a place where I volunteered to belittle myself because I just couldn’t seem to meet my peer’s expectations of me. Their beliefs became mine, and I struggled to conform myself to their ideals, but I convinced myself somehow that they were right to have the assumptions they had of me.

It’s Easy to Get Sidetracked

Getting back out has shown me that often the people who may be well-meaning don’t necessarily have your best interest at heart because if they did they wouldn’t question what they think you lack. It’s not a want the way they may see it.

I’ve always wanted to live a life of passion, and not in the literal sense of being the typical writer living in poverty. I want to live out my desire as in, actively seeking to follow my heart’s song. What do I most enjoy doing despite everything else that is considered necessary? What do I do when I am supposed to be doing something I don’t particularly like? I want to stay in the sunset that is part of the golf course that’s calling to me. The color of the sunset is the eye of the passion, of your desire, and if you cultivate it – it will grow.

So then, no boasting about human leaders, all things are yours, whether Paul, or Apollo or Cephas or the world or life on death or present or the future all are yours and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.

                                                                                                                                                      1Corinthians 3:21-23

This life of seeking is full of fear, excitement, doubt and hope. There doesn’t have to be a deadline of what you can accomplish, it doesn’t have to stop because you’ve turned a certain age. When it comes to what kind of potential do you have, it can be limitless because all of our desires are in Christ, who is of God. People die, flowers will wilt away, but life, a life lived in Christ never dies.

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7 thoughts on “Seeking Life

  1. Dear Tamara,
    Is 9:55 am here in France. I am in Paris Airport waiting for my connection to go to Montreal, I read what you wrote and I truly like it, may you always be honest and say what is in your heart. One can’t satisfy people and is your life. God will guide you and he will let you know when you have enough with chatty people!
    Your heart is pure, and is between you and God, nothing also is matter!
    Love
    Rosa

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m often — generally — alone, too. I work alone on the docks, and live alone (save for my kitty, who lets me pay the bills, but who clearly believes she rules). I don’t think of it as isolation as much as solitude, and it bothers me not a whit. For one thing, I’ve had up-close and personal looks at marriages and families who, from the outside, appeared “perfect,” but who were quite the opposite. Even in other, less fraught areas such as siblings, I often bemoan my lack of brothers and sisters. Then, I listen to friends bemoan the antics of their brothers and sisters, and — well, you get the point.

    As for what “people” think? My mother used to express her opinion of my life from time to time, and I finally found the perfect response. I’d say,”Here’s what we’re going to do. You go ahead and live your life, and I’ll live mine. Deal?” I’m not sure it ever was an acceptable deal for her, but it made me feel ever so much better!

    Liked by 2 people

    • In most cases, I find it’s because the person doesn’t ‘know’ you, as this was the case with the person I mentioned in the post. It just annoys me, but not much I can do. Thanks for reading Linda. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    • I just saw this comment, I am sorry I didn’t respond to it yet! Maybe I am living authentically but it’s not something done easily. There’s all kind of ways in which it is enriched. I am always looking for ways to expand it further. Have a great weekend!

      Liked by 1 person

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