Give Me That!

 

 

For a few years, my sister and Mom have been praying a novena to surrender, but I didn’t see any reason to pray it too

I started noticing when I was off the refined sugar and when I was in certain situations, my emotions would kick in and my first reaction was to eat sugar.  I would use sugar to satisfy the emotion bubbling inside of me. The emotions that I was experiencing were anger and anxiety, and I had started reading this book all about control. Underneath the anger and anxiety is a lot of…

Control

I can see why I wanted control because when I was younger, I didn’t have any at least to my knowledge. I wanted to be able to control something in my environment because I didn’t think I was getting what I needed. I don’t know about you, but being able to control others is a power that supposedly gives you satisfaction. I don’t know about that because I was still pulling in sewage and not treasure. I felt angry because I felt so powerless growing up.

When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it. Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Genesis ~3:6-7

If someone offered you fruit from a tree and it looked pleasing to you, wouldn’t you take it? Even if you knew the fruit would play havoc with your life, but you didn’t know that yet. If you were told or promise it would do great things for you wouldn’t you want to at least try it out? Maybe your street smarts, or your manners you learned while growing up, or with your beauty, you can manipulate your destiny.

Admitting that I have difficulties with anger or anxiety isn’t always easy for me, but having a long history with depression tends to put it into perspective. What is it that I am trying to control is the question that I’ve started asking myself. Maybe there is a possibility that I will learn to respond instead of reacting.

Starting the novena to surrender, it never occurred to me that I had an issue with control. I mean every minute of every day, were trying to wrench back our control over our lives because it’s just not fair. I was of the mind for years that my idea of how my life should’ve gone was way better, but anger and anxiety didn’t change my situation. Everything has remained relatively the same.

I have always been a keen enthusiast of observing others while they are in a flutter of activity. I listen to everything, colours may blend into the background, and words may skirt inside of my head. I want to know what is it that I am doing wrong?

Anger and anxiety didn’t change my desires or has it brought them any faster into my life-like I thought it would. God values my free will and yet I still choose to certain situations that aren’t really good for me.  You see we think we’re all better than each other but were really clueless as to how to achieve peace and love in our lives

 

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One thought on “Give Me That!

  1. Issues of control touch us all, I think. What it is that we seek to control, or fear has control over us, varies from person to person, but a lot of energy is devoted to things we think will give us more control. That’s exactly the point you made about sugar. Of course it doesn’t make rational sense, but magic never does. 🙂

    When I first started varnishing boats, I worried about the weather constantly, because being able to work depended on good (or at least decent) weather. I dealt with the anxiety by channel flipping. If I didn’t like what one weatherman said, I’d try another. Eventually, I figured out they all tended to be wrong, and started being my own meteorologist.

    But above all, I came to the realization that I can’t control the weather. No matter what I do, or think, or hope, it’s only going to be what it’s going to be. So, I crossed it off my list of things to worry about. What a relief! Finding things that can be safely crossed off our lists is a good first step, I think.

    Liked by 1 person

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